 Sunday, March 8
 at 8:41 PMafter xiyao today, had a long talk with xiaofang laoshi. it was a damn long talk la. from 1pm to 5pm liddat, we sat at that table in the food court and talked. i have to say, i feel a lot lighter. i feel more clear about everything. but idk la... i guess i kinda forgot a lot of the stuff she told me to do. -.- next sunday no xiyao, but we're going out. i hope it'll help me. cuz' i'm still in love with him. hopelessly in love. there's nothing i can do to stop it, as xiaofang laoshi says, i can't just tell myself to stop. i have to let time heal the wound naturally, then when i stop, it will seem natural. haih. i just wish it didn't hurt so much. xoxo, you know you love me Friday, March 6
at 10:55 PMWTF. HE HAS A FACEBOOK ACCOUNT. WTF. WTF. WTF. WTF. WTF. I CAN NO LONGER POST EMO STUFF ON MY FACEBOOK!!!! rawr. AND I AM FUCKINGGGGGGGGGG SURPRISED THAT HE CREATED A FACEBOOKK. shocked. beyond. mere. words. forty-three days since you hugged me.
xoxo, you know you love me Thursday, March 5
at 9:48 PMhaih. i just realised that it's been exactly forty-two days since the most magical night of my life. that was all a lie. exactly a month since that fateful phone call that told me it was all over. that left me speechless, that built a wall between us, that caused us to drift apart. thirty days since that three-way conference that put so many unspoken words and doubts between us. forty two days. i still love you. that will never change, even as the number of days increases with every twenty-four hours. i'll still love you.
xoxo, you know you love me at 8:12 PMwtf. i was listening to music with my iTunes on shuffle, when the song suddenly got to untouched by the veronicas. that song... it's a taboo song for me. i've got a lot of taboo songs. if i listen to them i'll lose control. the list of songs: untouched - the veronicas. 只对你有感觉 - 飞轮海. 勇气 - 光亮 or 梁静如. the mlb version is okay. used to is okay now, now that i've listened to it so much, and it's not like i ever quoted the song lyrics to him, or that it was played at any important juncture. got a few more. but i can't seem to bring them to mind now. i'll edit the post when i think of them k? (: but anyway, it's because untouched was played that day, on 19jan, when we went to amk hub. then i remember we were walking to macs'. that song was playing. then i kinda thought of the lyrics and felt a lil' embarrassed. i remember that day. clearly etched in my mind. yes, the reason sounds stupid, but if you don't want me to run away crying, please do not play that song around me. especially the chorus. the rap is okay. rawr. thought of him so many times today. the pain is getting better, easier to cope with each day. but my feelings for him don't fade. even though i know it's impossible already, i don't know why, i'm still as in love with him as before everything all happened. yeah, i know i've not blogged about him in a long time. it's to save you people the agony. i know it pains you to read posts about him. but i can't help it. it's just the way i feel. i just think of him all the time. i won't even glance at another guy and think "he's hot" now. haih. everything's the way it used to be. well, only half. the other half is the complete opposite. cuz' his feelings are the complete opposite. oh, fuck. i must go find my blade. i hid it this afternoon. maybe i should go find it again. i have an offence form, two C6es and one D7 (in my best subject, no doubt), undone and longggg overdue maths homework and file, and mrs chia, ms chum and mrs foo glaring at me all the time during their lessons. greaaat. my life is complicated enough as it seems. i kinda regret not doing all the homework, to be honest. but now, it's too late to regret. all i can do now is accept it. that's all i can do now. it's far too late for regrets. far too late. what if i retain and repeat my sec2 just like krichelle?????? OMG.
xoxo, you know you love me at 7:11 PMwahahahahahha. i wanna eat the dust-mite bento box so i will kena food poisoning. then i will sharpen my blade again. wahahahahahah.
xoxo, you know you love me at 4:02 PMstupid cindy byotch. my geog is not good okeh. is because the paper was reallyreally super fucking easy. i bet even got people get full marks in the level lorh. its because 2D lazy study that's why i get 2nd highest. anyway, i forgot to mention in my previous post. had home econs practical today. krichelle and i made a dust-mite bento box.  cute ornot? hahahaha.it's actually rice balls covered with seaweed. then we used sausages, broccoli, baby tomatoes and carrots to decorate. the eyes are just paper cutouts. got cucumber one lorh! i was cutting the shapes of the carrot and cucumber.  so chio right. too bad there wasn't enough space in the lunchbox so we didn't put it in.
xoxo, you know you love me at 3:16 PMrawr. i die la k. during maths krichelle ask me pei her go borrow home ec apron. then i thought she ask mrs chia for permission already, so i went with her. then we came back and tio scolded like siao. then mrs chia told the class when we were gone that she's gonna give us offence form. wtf la. somemore i havent had in EVERYTHING seh. my exercise book and file. both are like... untouched. my maths file is still filled with last year's worksheets. then mrs chia glared at me like siao today cuz' i'm like... the only girl who didn't hand in anything. not my fault i've got a goldfish memory horh. wtf la. i also got to do my science filing. everyone else got their science paper back except me, cuz' i didn't hand in my file. WTF LA. now both mrs chia and ms chum think i'm a paikia. WHICH I AM NOT. I AM NOT A PAIKIA OKEH. seriously. then got back maths paper. I PASSED! thank goodness. i seriously though i was going to fail. then got back geog paper. wahahahahaha. i was seriously damn shocked when i got back my geog paper. cuz' so far, i got back 3 papers. 2 C6 and 2 D7. so you don't expect do to well in geog. MUCH LESS GET SECOND IN CLASS. yep. i got second in class. greattttttt. OH, FUCK. I JUST REMEMBERED! I HAVENT TAKE LIT TEST YET. THAT'S WORTH 50% OF MY GRADE. FUCKFUCKFUCK. I KEEP FORGETTINGGGGGG! i better remember tomorrow seh. if not 50% of my lit marks go down the drain. fuck. i am in trouble with so many teachers lately.
xoxo, you know you love me Wednesday, March 4
at 5:27 PMHELLOS. today was a good-yet-notso-good day. firstly, got back english paper. crying buckets would be a good description. TRY AND GET A D7 FOR A SUBJECT YOU NORMALLY GET A1 IN AND SEE HOW HARD YOU CRY LA K. believe me. the feeling is totally like FUCK la okay. to go from near the top of the class to the bottom, see if you cry. don't blame me for crying. don't tell me not to cry. see if you cry yourself. if people like audrey and cindy can get B3, whythefuck did my standard drop until i got D7? was going to ask for permission to go to the toilet to slash. but i remembered that i didnt bring my blade. wtf la. HOW COULD I NOT BRING MY BLADE???!!! so i just cried. like an erupted volcano. thanks to clarine, jeri, bernice, junhan, and esp. gina, who were there to try to cheer me up. thanks clarine and gina especially for letting me hug you and cry on your shoulder. i love you <3 yesterday's cuts are still fresh. i wanna go get my blade and make a new batch. but if this goes on, by the time i get all my results back, my entire arm will be covered in cuts. so i thought things over. then after school went out with gina. that really cheered me up a lot. i kinda forgot all about the fucked-up-ness of my life. but i guess i'll still keep my blade with me 24/7 from now on. just in case.
xoxo, you know you love me at 11:22 AMrawr. go watch the I Believe - My Sassy Girl song. very nice(: in IT now. xoxo, you know you love me Tuesday, March 3
at 4:03 PMI've been crying so much, it's a wonder I have any tears left. What did I do wrong to make you hate me so much? What did I do? No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back You might think I'm happy But I'm not gonna be okay Everybody always gave you what you wanted Never had to work, it was always there You don't know what it's like, what it's like To be hurt To feel lost To be left out in the dark To be kicked When you're down To feel like you've been pushed around To be on the edge of breaking down And no one's there to save you No you don't know what it's like no, you don't know what it's like. xoxo, you know you love me at 3:51 PMfuck. come and tell me you got nothing to hide. then ask me if i got a prob with that. it's like i don't know you at all. it's like... our friendship was nonexistent. don't tell me you hated me all along? don't tell me you've been hiding this from me for the past 1 year? don't tell me it was all a lie. i've been lied to so much already. will it kill you to tell me the truth for once? why does everyone think that lying to me will help? i thought you guys were different. but you're all the same.
xoxo, you know you love me at 3:39 PMfuck the world. i trusted them so much. and now they turn around and hide things from me, stab me in the back. i don't know who to trust and confide in anymore. to think i could call themmy best friends. i don't need what lj best friends, if they're best friends like them. i don't need to bring myself more hurt. i don't need more pain. i don't need what smlj best friends. it all just hurts when it all falls apart. fuck.
xoxo, you know you love me at 3:30 PMbetrayal. eight letters. yet one big, strong, meaning. also, penknife. another eight-letter word with a big meaning to me. and one event leads to the other. which leads to another event. five-letter word, red in colour, beginning with the letter "b". so begins the chain cycle of cutting oneself. enjoy. tag replies: huining, joel, YIYUN: thanks for tagging! vanessa: PINK ROOM! wheeeeee. joel kor: ichigo is strawberry in japanese. then my jie likes strawberries. and japan. thus, the name ichigo-jie. (i bet you can't watch bleach properly after you found out what ichigo really means. (:)
xoxo, you know you love me Monday, March 2
at 5:59 PMrawr. going to eat roti prata now. i want to sleep. slept at 1.30am last night. i think i'm insomniatic. either that, or i'm turning into someone like my kors who only sleep past midnight. -.-
xoxo, you know you love me at 3:45 PMwtf. i'm just telling you what i honestly think. that i wanna know more about you. then you flare up at me. you flare up at me. but i just wanna tell you that i wanna know what's going on. then you blame me for hiding things from you. you hide stuff from me. you hide so much stuff from me. i feel rachel knows you better than i do. i wanna be part of your world. why do you keep blocking me out?
xoxo, you know you love me Sunday, March 1
at 9:51 PMrawr. private blogs rock. those reading this post right now, i trust you enough to give you the URL of this blog. please don't go around telling anyone else. i refrained from making this a proper private blog, cuz' proper private blogs need google/blogger accounts to log in, and i know some of the people i love don't have blogger accounts, so i'm just trusting you all that this private blog will stay private. thanks yeah. love you all. thanks for being such a solid part of my life (:
xoxo, you know you love me at 7:07 PMIt's still raining. Against the dark rainy sky, there is still an orange sunset. Despite the rain, the sun still sets. And the sunset is still beautiful.
xoxo, you know you love me at 6:37 PMhello. testing, testing. private blog.
xoxo, you know you love me at 5:40 PMit's pouring again. the heavens are sobbing, wailing, crying. but someday a rainbow will appear. i'll be waiting for that day, when the heavens stop crying, and present us with a beautiful rainbow in the skies. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ After Xiyao today, went for lunch at Macs' with Da Jie, Joel Jiefu/Kor, Er Jie, Yifeng, HIM and Louis. Yiting and TianQu came afterwards. Showed Da Jie and Er Jie my cuts. Er Jie gave me a hug. Thanks. I needed one. Stayed back to study with Da Jie, Jiefu, Yifeng, Er Jie and Sleepy. Er Jie taught me my Chemistry. Then we talked. Damn funny seh. JIEFU, YOUR GIRLF IS A RETARD. ROFL. It felt good. Being there with people I love who accept me the way I am - it's just the best feeling in the world. If this feeling could be with me everyday, every moment, how nice that would be. I love them. They brighten up my day. Thanks(: I'm gonna create a private blog. Only people I love will be invited. (:
xoxo, you know you love me |
Search The Queen  Wishlist  Dethrone Serena van der Woodsen Chuck + Blair Serena + Dan Find out where Georgina Sparks is hiding Rufus + Lily Sabotage Jenny Humphrey Sabotage Poppy
Blogroll  Linkie
Linkie
Linkie
Linkie Linkie
Linkie
Linkie
Linkie
Linkie
Linkie Linkie
Linkie
Linkie
Linkie Linkie
Linkie
Linkie ... more
Tagboard don't have one? get one from Cbox or Shoutmix Jukebox don't have one? get one from Imeem or MyFlashFetish or you can choose to remove this space. haha. Archives  October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009Credits © All Rights Reserved |
